Monday, December 12, 2011

Know YOUR Truth

Sometimes it seems I can't win for losing, but that's the way it goes, however in some instances it's not really "losing" if you're comfortable with who you are.

I will no longer speak in riddles.  Here it is.  I have heard that I can "appear" unapproachable, as in I generally wear a scowl.  This may very well be true, it is not because I am unfriendly though, it merely seems that way because I am constantly in a state of deep thought, or concentration trying to keep myself together.  I can not change my face from unpleasant to cheery in a nanosecond like my middle child, (she's a master at it).  It is also not easy for me to feign comfort when I obviously am not; it's like having trapped gas, it really hurts but you don't want anyone to know what's bothering you.  

It occurred to me that while I am not unhappy, I could be more cheery, i.e. "not let the little things get under  my skin so much" for these are the things that bring about the scowl.  For example I shouldn't let the fact that my children rarely put their clothes away where they belong, or that they constantly stuff clean clothes in the hamper because they don't want to put them away in the proper place bother me.  Neither should I be disgruntled by the fact that the children are having nosebleeds EVERYDAY because they turn the space heater up to the MAX at night, (all the while I'm trying to figure out where the humidifier is and why its so dry in the room to begin with).  Nor should any concern be given to keeping a schedule, because its just bound to go sideways; so the calendar can just take a leap because finishing what's on today's list is NOT HAPPENING!  Nope I shouldn't let ANY of these things bother me.  But they do, and though I could see the benefits of changing my outward appearance to gain the friendship and admiration and love of more others, I am perfectly content with the friendships and love I have in my life right now.  

Here is my truth.  I don't feel I should have to put on a face to impress people.  I am (for once in my life) happy with who I am.  I am a kind, friendly, outgoing person and if you give me more than a cursory once-over you'll figure that out for yourself.  People, just like books and food deserve to be given a try no matter what their appearance.  You know the expressions "Don't judge a book by its cover" and one of my favorite food adages from Yo Gabba Gabba! "Try it, you'll like it!".  Grown-ups should take this advice too.  However, if you don't want to, Rhett Butler can sum it up for me. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn". 

Until Next Time, 
Be Blessed 

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

It's a new attitude...I'm looking UP!!

Liking what I see...When I look at ME!!

It's the holiday season and tis better to give than receive right?  Well I've got a gift for my daughters.  A mother that likes herself, the way she looks, but that is also committed to taking care of herself.  When you think you're pretty who gives a fig what other people think.  Love yourself ladies.  

Thursday, December 01, 2011

My Biological Clock is Ticking

I'm not sure why this is happening since I have 3 children already, but it definitely is.  The little Timex inside me has been going off at regular intervals for about the past year, and contrary to what my mind is thinking my uterus is LOUDER.  I've had this topic in my queue for  awhile, I'm writing about it today however because my body wouldn't let me  rest until it was done (a subconscious message of sorts perhaps).

Every few months for the past year or so, I've had this strong urge to procreate, like a deep, deep desire in my uterus, (most would say "the pit of my stomach" or "my gut" -but that is not where babies come from), to have life inside me.  Yet every time this little alarm would go off, my head would chime in "but now isn't a good time".  I always tell people my body might be saying "yes", but I can talk myself out of having a baby in just a few seconds..."we need a bigger house, the girls are too old, I'm getting older, hubby's in school...." No need to go on you get the gist.

My situation has not been aided by my friends or family.  I just came off a relaxing holiday where I got to hold my beautiful new little cousin.  My sister and our cousin, both delivered healthy, precious little girls, one day apart, two months ago.  Ahh...I could sit and look at those children all day, such good babies they are (they really are).  I held KA and it felt like there was nothing else in the world; a nice feeling considering how my holiday started. Then let's figure, at least 3 of my girlfriends are pregnant.  And I believe Addison "is in a family way" (yes a fictional character on a television show made my list).

Last night, when my body made its plea, I realized my mind is in compliance.  None of the usual "justifications" for tabling the discussion came up, as a matter of fact, I talked myself into it:  Yes, our daughters are 10, 8, and 5, and they have great spacing.  This new addition would be 7 years younger than my youngest, but the girls will be older and more mature. We live comfortably in our home, one more wouldn't put us out, plus I grew up with my extended family living in one house, we were cozy but also close; (I love that about my family). I'm only 33, so I haven't reached my cutoff (35) just yet.  Hubby will only be in school for 6 more months.  These counter-arguments have always been there, been available to me, but I never wanted to use them.

Now though, I have the feeling that all my fence sitting has put my husband on the "it's not the right time" train.   The obstacle, challenge, matter at hand now is letting my husband know the desires of my heart.  See I have to plan it just so.  My fear now is that we won't be on the same page...I waited too long and now..."you snooze, you lose".

Until next time,
Be Blessed