Monday, November 07, 2011

"I Am Not My Hair", but She Might Be

I have been rocking my hair in a natural state for fifteen years. And I love it!!! I have shown you all pictures of me and my styles over the years, and its versatile and I love that freedom.  That being said, the way I wear my hair is not for everyone.  

The space I'm in now though is keeping that path with my girls.  Each of them has their own texture different from mine and each other.  My oldest has a fine texture, soft with a gentle, loose curl pattern.  My youngest has soft, tight curls (makes for great puffs ;).   Little Buddy has soft hair as well, but it sucks up oil, so her scalp is constantly dry, it is the kinkiest of us all, and she is tender-headed.  These different textures have made it easier to style some heads than others.  That being said,  I have found myself in a bit of hot water regarding my middle childs' appearance.  

 Now mind you, hair is not the only issue I've been having with this child.  She seemed to have a serious anxiety issue the past few weeks, but we thought it was attributed to all the testing they had been doing at school.  However last weekend my baby girl told my father she didn't like the way she looked.  (And truthfully it was time for her hair to be done).  Just so you know my kid doesn't walk around looking like "Whodunnit" and "Whatfor" everyday.

 At 8 I want my kid to just have fun and not be concerned with how she is looking, but then again, that's how I roll.  "I am not my hair", so judge me on my character and my abilities, not how I look.  Now this is not to say roll out the house in your pajamas with your head wrap on and go to the store;  I just don't want you to tie-up your esteem with your appearance.  Don't get me wrong, take care to show your best face, but let it be the face of your choosing.  And maybe that was part of the problem, she had no choice. 

So the meat of it is this:  our Little Buddy was not feeling good about herself,  and it had not even occurred to me that her hair was an issue.  She is not me, so being kinky curly might not be for her.  That being said, I was on the verge of texturizing my daughter's hair (again) to make it easier for me to style her, and make her pretty the way she wanted; BUT I did NOT!

I am a firm believer that one can have healthy, natural hair, that can be styled a myriad of ways, but maybe you should leave the styling to someone else.  So that is what I have done.  I am now outsourcing the haircare of my middle child to Selena Bell.  She did a great job, and not one tear was shed..(oh yeah, there were tears and all kinds of drama when I did it).  So as a sanity saver I have passed the buck, literally and figuratively to Selena to save my family.  And yes, it really was that deep, if something wasn't done about Little Buddy's  hair my family would have been in jeopardy.

My daughters hair is now done to her liking without all the whining and, well without the usual fanfare.  I realize that while I am not my hair, my eight year old may hold a very different opinion. And I'm okay with that, I just hope she grows up to love herself  no matter what her hair is like.  

Until Next Time,
Be Blessed.  


geeky Heather said...

Good for you for finding a solution you are both happy with! This was very interesting to me; obviously I have VERY different texture than both of you, but my hair is so different from my mom's, and all three of my sisters', that I can identify. In fact, it's very difficult to find a hairdresser that can understand naturally curly hair when they deal with straight, straight, straight all day long!! But I digress. I hope Little Buddy learns to love herself, with her hair, in spite of her hair, and because she's made special like no one else is.

Shanta Hayes said...

Thanks Heather, it took awhile, and me really coming to terms that she is not me, and we have differing taste. She is such a great girl and I would never want her to feel less than, in any capacity. Curly hair is the bomb!! I hope you've found a stylist you like as well, because that is key even if your hair isn't your top priority.