Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Your Marriage Is Important to Me

Life is full of challenges and ultimately the decisions we make regarding these situations determine if we'll make it through.  Curve balls are thrown and feelings change, friends and lovers grow apart, schedules get more hectic and life happens.  Through it all you need to make your marriage a priority, not just the marriage, but the relationship you have with your partner.  Taking time to talk with them, have fun together and to nurture one another is essential. But what happens when neither of you feel like working on it, you're both so tired, or so fed up that you can't or won't take the time to look at your relationship to see where work could be put in?  That is when you need friends, specifically married friends, who want to see your marriage succeed.  Like minded people with similar goals generally tend to support one another and encourage positive outcomes in others lives.

Earlier this year, I was getting ready to attend a marriage gala and I offered a friend and his wife tickets to the event, however when I finally reached him, he told me they were separating that very week.  I was sick, because the reason given to me was "I fell out of love with her".  Seriously?!! I was hurt for her as much as him.  There were some extenuating circumstances, but with friends and counseling the events possibly could have been prevented.  I made it known to my friend that I thought he should take some time and try to work on his marriage, but he was pained and not open to the possibility of reconciliation.  This is an old friend of mine, I've known him longer than my husband and he is honestly one of my oldest and dearest friends, which is why I was so hurt.  Over the years, we haven't made as much time for one another as we used to, so we don't talk like we once did, so I didn't know the ends and out of his marriage, nor he mine.  However I felt, had we been more open to one another as couples we could have helped each other avoid the pitfalls we found ourselves in.   The same is true of all marriages, and I am fortunate that I have friends that believe the same thing.

Our marriages are not important to just our families, but for our childrens' future families.  What chance do they have of keeping a marriage together if half the ones they know of personally end in divorce?  And I'm not talking about divorce due to abuse, I'm talking about the "irreconcilable differences" and the "I fell out of love with them" splits.  Marriage takes work, and there are days when I have to work super hard to stay with my husband, because though I may love him, he sure can get on my last nerve, and I know the feeling is mutual.  My sister  wives have had experiences that I may not have, and they are able to share with me from their experience, and I can share from mine.  The key element of it all is SHARING.  We cannot be ashamed of our circumstances, or  timid in creativity for keeping our marriages whole.  Please know that your marriage is important to me, even if only for selfish reasons...It might save mine...or my child may marry yours.   We have to work together to keep our marriages strong and I pray that you take me seriously and become a friend of your friends marriages.

Back to my friend and his wife.  I had told my mother about this friend, because she knows him too, and in my mothers fashion, she summoned him.  She declared they were to have lunch because she needed to talk with him about this decision, (my mother divorced my stepdad 3 years ago), and she had her own insights to offer.  Well upon my delivering this message for her, my friend informed me that he and his wife were going to attend counseling.  I felt like this was a win... a small battle, but a victory none the less, and a "W" is a "W".  I'll take it.

If your marriage is in trouble, reach out to a like-minded friend whose marriage and yours are a priority.  It may make the difference of your life.

Until next time,
Be Blessed


Aminat said...

Thank you so much...This is well said and right on spot.... Sometimes we need a helping hand

Shanta Hayes said...

We absolutely do and we shouldn't be afraid to ask for it.

Chanda said...

Great post and so true! This is a reminder that we all need each other and it also takes a village to grow a marriage and keep it thriving and strong!

Anonymous said...

Excellent! So glad to call you a "friend of my marriage". :)

Shanta Hayes said...

It is a privilege to be a friend of your marriages. I am very lucky to have you as friends of mine. Thank you so much for carrying for us and our children.