Monday, June 16, 2008

Breaking up...with a friend, is hard to do

I originally started this post in November of 2006. My girlfriend and I were pretty much over, but I just couldn't let go. She had meant so much to me for so long. She was there when I was having family troubles, all through my first pregnancy, when my daughter was born, she helped my husband surprise me for his proposal, she was my maid of honor at my wedding, she was ever present, always wonderful; until she wasn't.

The signs had been showing themselves for a while, but I was choosing to ignore them, I just didn't want it to be true. How could someone who was such an integral part of my life (knowing all my "issues") leave me? We started talking less, we went from everyday, to every few days, then once a week, once a month, during breaks from school, a year. It was gradual but things changed after I got married. I see her exit as a blessing now, but for a very long time, it wasn't that cut and dry.

For a great deal of time, I tried to figure out what I had done wrong to warrant this treatment, ( it wasn't cold -just abrupt), what could I do to get us back? Nothing. Dwelling on it made me physically ill. At one point I did call out desperately to her, and she reached out to me, because I needed her, but it was the last time, that we spoke. She helped and that was that. Several months later a mutual friend got married and I learned from my husbands best friend (whom she dated for a while) that she was getting married. That hurt so badly that my husband (unbeknownst to me) deleted her number from my phone, as well as her cousins. He didn't want to see me hurt. I love him so much for that.

The breakup with L, as painful and drawn out as it was on my end was the best thing for me. Having her out of my life, allowed me to really fully let my husband into it, and gave me the chance to see him as truly my best friend. That man is such a blessing to me, and at times I couldn't even see that, because of relationships with other people that I were allowing to fog my view. A bit of "can't see the forest for the trees" syndrome. I do owe her a debt of gratitude for that though, because she reminded me of a most important thing.

I can look back now, and I'm not bitter or sad; a bit nostalgic, but that's about it. I loved her, and now I just wish her well.

Wherever you are L,

Be Safe.


Kamika said...

I can truly empathize with you on this one. Many do not understand that losing a close sistah-friend is almost like breaking up from a long term romantic relationship.

This same thing happened to me and like you it was truly a blessing in disguise. I still wonder and worry about my girl but God knows what's best and there's a season for everything.

Janet Richards said...

You have such a mature approach, but I know how painful it is. I've been there. Your husband is a sweetheart - deleting the phones numbers is so thoughtful.

Shanta Hayes said...

Thanks ladies, I appreciate the comments. And yes Janet, my husand is a sweetheart. That little thing made a big difference in my life. Kamika, you are totally right "God knows what's best and there's a season for everything."

Woman of Destiny said...

Wow... that's a tough one... but God blessed you with such an awesome hubby that you came through it all better than you were before. You should hook him up with one of those gifts we talked about on the way home from Alana's trunk show...LOL!!!!