This post was originally dated November 2, 2006, but back in my none committed days, I didn't start it, so it didn't get posted. It was really just a title with some words of inspiration: "Ryan and Reese split up". I was upset about that, so many Hollywood couples not working things out, really a shame. And they were cute together, and seemed to be so in love, so where did the breakdown occur? I don't know, and really don't care (don't get me wrong-that's just not what this post is about). It's about options, or more exactly the lack of one in particular - D-I-V-O-R-C-E as Reba put it.
My husband and I have been together 12 years, seven of them dating, getting to know each other, getting tired of each other, loving each other, breakin' up and making up. But the last five, have been totally committed. Hence the motto " Ain't Nobody, Leaving Nobody". When we decided to get married we meant it for life, til death us do part, in sickness and in health, and all that other good stuff I'm sure the minister said but I didn't quite hear (that's another story). At any rate, there was no back door, no opt-out clause.
There can be no option, otherwise people get tired and they turn to it. If there isn't one, the only place they can turn is back to their partner, and they're forced to work it out. If things get bad, there's a guest room. If you don't have a guest room, I bet you've got a couch. Take some space and work it out; talk about what it is, get counseling, just don't give in.
There are exceptions of course. Reserved only for the most severe cases. In my circle of friends, the exceptions are "Beathin' and Cheatin' ", mine is beating, I do not condone physical violence against anyone. And although I know my husband would never cheat on me, I have already told all my friends that if they should happen to "catch him", I don't want to know. (Just think SATC movie -Miranda, I don't want to be her).
Of course when counseling other couples you can't just be like "look ain't nobody leaving nobody, so you may as well get it together." I'd love to say that, but there are things like tact and decorum. Although when it comes to saving a marriage no punches should be spared, between the couple that is. They must want to save their marriage, you can't want it more than they do. The mantra must be accepted before the troubles begin, its harder to adopt later on; its almost trite, somewhat cliche. However leaving that option off the table in the first place makes it necessary to work things out.
When we die these words will be engraved on OUR urn. Even in death "Ain't Nobody Leaving Nobody" and that's just the way it is in our house.
Go over and check out I Am Husband I'll be leaving a few tips for keeping things together.